I'm so tired.
I'm tired of living in a house of negativity. I'm tired of living under so many rules and regulations. Why have children if you just want to dictate their lives? We are not something to be owned, we are human beings with feelings and desires of our own. I really hate brown culture. It has ruined my life.
I'm 23 years old living at home with my parents. They take care of me financially since I'm currently unemployed. I appreciate their support but why do they feel like they own me? From 17 years old til early this year Ive lived off my own earnings. I ate most of my meals outside, bought my own clothes/necessities and even paid rent. For the past year I still managed to pay for myself up until now. I've been unemployed for 6 months and recently down to my last few dollars.
Ive been on the hunt to start my career as a journalist but its not easy. I've applied to so many places that now I can't even remember where I'm applying. Ive been trying, but luck isn't on my side. I feel like my parents want to get me married off to "fulfill their duties" but they need to wake up and realize its 2015. They cant dictate my life any longer. Just because I live with them doesn't mean they own me. I need help. I need to be able to financially support myself so I can move out and live on my terms.
Its not fair.
Its not fair that because of someone else's mistakes, that I have to deal with my parent's depression and disappointment and lashing out. Ive never done anything that put them to shame or hurt them, yet I have to hear their hurtful words all the time. Why? Because I stand up for myself? Because I cant stand injustice done to me? Because I am a person who defends myself from inaccurate accusations?
I don't know what to do anymore. This is the lowest point in my life by far. Yes Ive got the support of less than a handful of people I love and that love me, but is that enough? I sure hope so because I just cant take this torture anymore.
Verbal abuse is real...and it can kill. I cant let it kill me so I have to fight. I need everything in my being to give me strength to move forth from this. God be with me.
It is one of the most difficult things living with toxic people - including family. I hope you find employment and ease the pressure by moving out because I know exactly the environment and situation you must be in. They'll never change because they don't know any better, and nor do they want to change. You can only continue to put boundaries up and live in the comfort that you can assert yourself when needed... And stay out of their radar when you can, as hard as it is. Xx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words, it means so much to me. I'm trying my best to stay positive and make light of situations around me so that I can reach my goals of being successful and living on my own terms. If you are going through anything, I hope you get through it as well. Your sweet words have really made my day, thank you <3
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