We live in a time where everyone wants their voices heard. Thanks to globally accessible social platforms, those who were once silenced can now find community in just a click. People are now as expressive as ever, thanks to the beautiful shield that is social media. It's so much easier to put on a brave face and type out our thoughts/feelings and hit post than it is to walk the walk. But for some of us, the bravery transpires into real life and we get that boost of confidence we need to talk that talk and walk that walk. Either that or our "idgaf" factor increases with age.
I hated conflict growing up. I bit my tongue so much figuratively, that I actually LITERALLY used to bite my tongue in situations because I had something to say but was too scared to voice it. Whether it was friendships, family or boys, I always kept my concerns to myself until it hit the boiling point. Then I would pour out all my thoughts/feelings at once and get hit with the "why didn't you tell me before?" I got so tired of that question. It would make me feel crazy for dumping so much at once and it also made me feel guilty. I was tired of feeling like that.
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| @peaceful_barb |
I don't know when the shift happened. One day I decided I never want to hear that question ever again. I began addressing my concerns right away with people. And let me tell you, that was a revelation in and of itself.
So many people only like you when you stand as their audience or constantly agree with them. You realize that people only kept you around because you made them feel better about themselves. This is the new bar for friendships and human interactions in general. The more you serve as a soundboard, the better of a person you are.
Let's just take Twitter as an example. Nowadays people can't even express their OPINION without having a mob attack them. News flash: opinions cannot be right or wrong, its an opinion!!! It's one thing to educate someone on an issue they might be misinformed about, but to attack someone for liking XYZ just because you like ABC is just absolutely ridiculous.
It's ironic how there are daily fights for equality and inclusion, yet we don't even allow others to express any ideas that may oppose our own.
It's the new norm to see apology videos or disclaimers, someone elaborating on a satirical joke because overly sensitive (ahem: fake ass woke people) can't grasp humor. Even I triple think before posting a tweet or creating an Instagram story to express my thoughts on a certain topic. I am strong enough to defend myself, and also gentle enough to process another person's thoughts. But to be quite frank, I'm fucking tired of it.
I'm tired of having to censor my thoughts online and in real life. I'm also extremely tired of having to defend my stance. I've lost friends along the way, but that has been a blessing in disguise. It made me realize my role in that friendship was that of a yes man, and that is not something I ever want to be for my friends. A friendship (or any bond between two people) should be that of love, loyalty, honesty, and respect. If a "friend" cannot respect my honesty and my rebellious act of thinking something different than them, then they are not the friends that I want or need.
I feel myself slowly reverting back into my old ways. I don't want to deal with the conflict and drama of it all, especially if it doesn't involve me in the first place. Sometimes being in silence just feels like the safest place to be.
Its a rollercoaster of a journey from being silent to finding the power in your voice, and then learning to silence that too. The world is just too loud. You get tired of participating in the chaos. Is this defeat? Who knows. All I know is I need the world to be quiet for now, and maybe that starts with myself.
Hi feema! (ASAK)
ReplyDeleteif this message finds you at all, I hope it finds you well and in best of moods! 🙂
(and my apologies in advance if this spook you as I know its a bit random. You do not know me, but I do secretly admire your blog, channels and online feeds)
I just wanted to write a note to say that I find you very inspiring (not in a way Instagramers might say your style, dress, shoes or makeup are inspiring), but I mean inspiring in the sense that truly moving and even emotionally captivating.
I’ve read some of your blog, especially the one on “silence” and being “stuck in a rut” touched me deeply even as a man (slightly mature-ish 39 years old man, I must add!) and I found them very relatable to my own circumstances. For me, it was an insight not just into your mind but also the minds of some other women (one special woman in particular who I’ve now sadly lost to divorce). But I am grateful to you for sharing your journey, struggles, opinions through your blog than just pictures and videos.
Needless to say I find you very attractive (or “ I fancy you very much” as the native Brits would say!). Your unpretentious honest attitude, simplicity, realistic and practical approach to life is all very refreshing.
Must add your style too is very on point and eclectic. Not forgetting your keen eye for bargains and deals (that alone might be enough for many men like me of south-Asian origin!)
You tick many boxes for me (more tick boxes than I have on my list?!), in fact I do think you are bespoke made!
We do not know what the destiny hold, l will always have regrets and mistakes. But it makes more sense to have attempted something (pass or fail as Allah wills it) than sit on the fence and regret not trying (a life lesson from my grandma!). Hence I write this with least expectations but with highest hopes!
I appreciate that it’s unfair that I know quite a bit about you in the public eye but I gave you nothing, but I would be much obliged to let you know more if it triggers your curiosity.
If nothing else you can just call it a bad April Fools prank and leave it there!
Best wishes,
Monad Greyman!
(Monad.Greyman@gmail.com )
Hello again! For what’s it’s worth, (You probably don’t care) but I just want to apologise for my earlier (hot water bottle) comment on IG, the last part of it anyway that came out perverted and disrespectful, which was the last thing I wanted to do to someone I admire so much! And the first part definitely wasn’t trolling but some weird sense of humour and frankly just desperately wanted to get your attention without sounding desperado! But looks like I dug my own grave! Last thing I wanted was to get you upset with my first message!
ReplyDelete(also just want to add to my last comment here that I think you are truly magnificent and you resemble a bit like the younger version of Spanish flamenco singer “Estrella Morente”!)
Suppose they don't teach "Sense of Humour" in schools these days? 🤷 (why is everyone so uptight and easily offended?) It does not take a social media genius to figure out one don't need an IG account to watch a public posts, the sole purpose of both my IG accounts was to engage and then secondly to damage control of the misunderstanding and ruckus caused by the first one (in my own naive way, if only I had a chance to explain).
DeleteIts such a shame this has caused you so much grief which wasn't my intention.
Seems some people like to make their own versions of reality. But not everyone is a hater, a stalker, a troll or has an ulterior motive. (Both my email accounts go back couple of years and still active and reachable if anyone wanted to engage.)
None the less, from the depths of my heart I wish you the very best of luck in all that you choose to do, you certainly deserve better.
Dear Fahima,
ReplyDeleteJust a note to reiterate that I am not someone you know in-person either from your past or in virtual cyber space. (I am across the pond in foggy London).
More importantly though , I won’t be the reason you feel the need to look over your shoulder.
Although I am as real as you can get and my admiration for you very true but without expectations. And thank you for unknowingly unwantedly becoming one of my great motivations and rays of hope during my dark times, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
(although I feel you have trouble accepting compliments, perhaps you don’t believe you deserve such attention and admiration?).
PS: afraid “weird” is my middle name! 🤦♂️
(but i am ok with it as long as I’m honest about it. And especially proud of my introverted roots after the pandemic where many social butterflies went “koo koo” 🤪 in isolation.)
Best Regards
I don't know who you are but I have a hard time believing you are a stranger in London. How is it that you keep up to date with everything I post on my stories, which I heavily monitor to make sure no strange pages are watching.
DeleteI thank you for your kind words but I don't appreciate a "stranger" hyper-analyzing my personality. If you would like to email me at frayedfeems@gmail.com to prove that you are an actual person, that would relieve me of worry. If not, I ask that you please stop commenting and watching my pages.
@FrayedFeems, kindly remove any of my posts here and spare me the forever humiliation (I tried deleting them at several occasions last year, even before your reply, but didn't get to far, despite using a Google account to sign-in and not doing is anonymously)
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