Sunday, December 20, 2015

It's That Time of Year

I know you probably heard this countless amounts of times, but can you believe this year is just about over? I still cant believe how fast and shitty this year went, but that's why I look forward to the New Year.

Every year since I graduated high school, I hated the winter. Up until a few months ago, I didn't even know that I wasn't the only one who went through this seasonal anxiety. In fact, it wasn't til earlier this summer that I realized that this was referred to as SAD which stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. Now I'm not going to sit here and diagnose myself (it almost seems like a trend to claim a disorder, and I don't want to take away from those that seriously suffer), but I do feel a bit relieved that I'm not the only person to go through this.

Basically, at the beginning of Winter I would become extremely miserable and depressed. A lot of it had to do with the end of semester chaos in college. I felt like a failure, and I felt like I didn't have enough time to fix my mistakes. The end of the year approaching would make me feel like I wasted another year being a loser and not becoming the person I wanted to be. And since my birthday is on Dec. 25, the fact of getting older also made me depressed. I always felt like I didn't live up to my potential and I let myself down.

Of course there were many other factors with my seasonal anxieties, such as break ups and heart breaks, the unbearable feeling of isolation and constantly feeling pressured to have my life together.

Needless to say, I always dreaded this time of year. But I guess life has its sick ways of changing things around. 2015 has by far been one of the worst years of my life. A lot has happened this year which has taught me that I do not want to lead a life of misery. Since this entire year was a shit storm, the seasonal change didn't have a negative impact on me. In fact, I've never been so eager for the holidays as I've been this year.

I am enjoying hearing Christmas songs at stores, I love looking at decorated houses in the neighborhood, I love layering up! Overall, I've been in a better mood this time of year. Its crazy how your mind can control you. All those years I used to be miserable was because I let situations swallow me whole. I used to let my failures get the best of me. Now I use those failures as a lesson. I reflect on all the failures I had this year and I'm sure I went through all of that to become the person I am today. Instead of beating myself up, I'm going to better myself. I'm looking forward to doing a lot for myself this upcoming year. I cant wait to grab my blessings with my own hands. I will just have to accept and embrace any failures that come my way.

I hope anyone reading this has a great new year. If you go through seasonal anxiety yourself, just know you're not alone, and that its okay to go at your own pace.

As always, happy reading <3

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