It's That Time of Year

I know you probably heard this countless amounts of times, but can you believe this year is just about over? I still cant believe how fast and shitty this year went, but that's why I look forward to the New Year.

Every year since I graduated high school, I hated the winter. Up until a few months ago, I didn't even know that I wasn't the only one who went through this seasonal anxiety. In fact, it wasn't til earlier this summer that I realized that this was referred to as SAD which stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. Now I'm not going to sit here and diagnose myself (it almost seems like a trend to claim a disorder, and I don't want to take away from those that seriously suffer), but I do feel a bit relieved that I'm not the only person to go through this.

Basically, at the beginning of Winter I would become extremely miserable and depressed. A lot of it had to do with the end of semester chaos in college. I felt like a failure, and I felt like I didn't have enough time to fix my mistakes. The end of the year approaching would make me feel like I wasted another year being a loser and not becoming the person I wanted to be. And since my birthday is on Dec. 25, the fact of getting older also made me depressed. I always felt like I didn't live up to my potential and I let myself down.

Of course there were many other factors with my seasonal anxieties, such as break ups and heart breaks, the unbearable feeling of isolation and constantly feeling pressured to have my life together.

Needless to say, I always dreaded this time of year. But I guess life has its sick ways of changing things around. 2015 has by far been one of the worst years of my life. A lot has happened this year which has taught me that I do not want to lead a life of misery. Since this entire year was a shit storm, the seasonal change didn't have a negative impact on me. In fact, I've never been so eager for the holidays as I've been this year.

I am enjoying hearing Christmas songs at stores, I love looking at decorated houses in the neighborhood, I love layering up! Overall, I've been in a better mood this time of year. Its crazy how your mind can control you. All those years I used to be miserable was because I let situations swallow me whole. I used to let my failures get the best of me. Now I use those failures as a lesson. I reflect on all the failures I had this year and I'm sure I went through all of that to become the person I am today. Instead of beating myself up, I'm going to better myself. I'm looking forward to doing a lot for myself this upcoming year. I cant wait to grab my blessings with my own hands. I will just have to accept and embrace any failures that come my way.

I hope anyone reading this has a great new year. If you go through seasonal anxiety yourself, just know you're not alone, and that its okay to go at your own pace.

As always, happy reading <3

Reflections & Resolutions (Life Changes, Thinking Positive)

HAPPY DECEMBER! I'm not sure if I'm so excited about December because I'm in the holiday spirit, or because its my birthday month! For those of you that don't know, my birthday is on the 25th! That's right, I'm a Christmas baby lol. Its not as cool as it sounds, but I'll explain that in another post.

With the holidays coming up and year ending, I've been reflecting so much on this past year. Regardless of the losses and hardships that this year brought, I grew a lot this year. I learned so much from analyzing the people and the world I live in. A lot of it has brought a great deal of pain and sadness to me, but I decided I can't let that rule my world. I want to be happy, I have so much to be thankful for and I want to be a positive person. It all starts in the mind so I am going to try my best to think positively from here on out.

The first thing I decided to tackle is my body image. I've let go of myself big time and I'm just not as confident as I used to be. I have already made changes in my diet and am trying to workout at least 3 times a week. So far, I feel so much better. I feel energetic and productive. Instead of eating unhealthy foods and hating myself for not fitting into my clothes, I am hopeful of the attaining the shape I want because I know I'm putting in the time & effort in getting there. If you don't feel happy in the body you're in, it could affect your mental health a lot. The best thing to do is change that so you one less thing to worry about, and focus on changing other aspects of your life.

The bigger ordeal to overcome is my mindset. Its so hard for me to be 100% and happy when there are always things getting in the way of that. I deal with a lot on daily basis. Of course, a lot of it comes from not having a job. A lot of it comes from ups and downs of friendships/relationships. And of course the biggest tragedy I dealt with, loss of a family member. These things plague my mind on a daily basis but I have to remind myself; there has to be more to life than just the negative.

This is what I tell myself now: Be thankful that you have supportive parents. Be thankful that you don't have major loans or bills to pay off. Be thankful that you don't have kids to take care of. Be thankful for the friends who are there. Be thankful for love. Be thankful for good health. Be thankful to live another day and have another opportunity to make the best of life. Focus on the POSITIVE

I get so caught up in competition with myself that I get really upset when I don't meet my goals. I really thought that I'd have a full time job this year and be far off in becoming a successful journalist. Damn, I was dreaming. The road to success is a long one and the road to happiness is even longer. But that road could be detoured if you decide to find happiness in other places, so that's why I have decided to change my mindset and embrace my failures. They'll only help me grow more.

You don't have to wait for the new year to begin your resolutions. Everyday is a new day and can be the fresh start you need to make your life better. If you want to make changes in your life, its now or never. Pushing back goals will risk losing momentum, and never reaching those goals. Besides, there's no guarantee of tomorrow so seize the day and make the changes to your life that you want to make NOW. I know its easier said than done, but take things step by step.

I don't expect to reach my goals overnight, but I do find solace in knowing that I am trying. And that, is enough for me.

Happy reading xoxo