When I was in the 1st grade, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up and I said “a lawyer.” I didn’t even know what a lawyer did! All I knew was that it was considered one of the best careers out there, along with doctor and engineer. I grew up in a South Asian household were its typical to hear that my peers were striving to become doctors, lawyers, bankers and all of that typical 9-5 goodness. Well, that’s not where my head was at.
I never really gave much thought to what I would become in life. I wasn’t interested in any of those career paths and I also didn’t want to do something that everyone else was doing. But I also didn’t have any artistic talents...so that also didn’t appeal to me as a future choice.
One thing I always did when I was younger is write. I didn’t write anything creative, but I did keep a journal and it was my way of expressing my thoughts. When I grew a little older, I would read back to my journal entries and laugh a little because the entries were quite entertaining. It always felt like I was writing to an audience. I realized that I loved writing in a way that would connect with others.
Fast forward to high school
After completing my freshman year, my English teacher approached me and several other students to talk us into joining the journalism program. She said that we were the best writers in the class. That instantly convinced me and I was so happy to be recognized for something other than my height, (I'm 5'9.)
From sophomore year to senior year, I was enrolled in the journalism program. I loved it the first year. All the assignments and writing techniques were something new to me, and I loved producing work that would be published in the school newspaper. The second year was fun as well because even though majority of the work was the same, I had a different teacher and I found that I could learn new things from him as well. I caught a major case of senioritis in the third year of taking journalism. I was over it! I hated doing the same assignments that I did the years before. And it was the last class of the day so I dreaded it even more. I tried dropping the course multiple times and stayed back after my teacher emotionally blackmailed me (he really believed in me.)
College
I graduated high school respecting the field but not seeking a career in it. I started college as liberal arts students. I thank God that I have parents that gave me the freedom to choose the field that I want to study in, unlike other parents that set a specific goal for their child.
I had 2 years to decide what I wanted to major in. I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I was heavily into fashion and photography, but didn’t believe I had what it takes to make it in that industry. Not to mention I was an extreme introvert and not so keen on meeting new people. One thing that never changed from childhood to my youth was the fact that I loved writing, and I loved to read magazines, Seventeen being my favorite. I read it every month and I had a sudden realization that I wanted to write for a magazine like that.
Back in 2010, I went to an event that Seventeen was hosting in Manhattan mall. I got to meet former Editor-In-Chief Ann Shoket which was a major fangirl moment because I was a fan of America's Next Top Model and she was a frequent judge. I also got to meet Fashion Editor Gina Kelly. Seeing how fabulous and exciting her career was, I asked her what steps I should take if I wanted to write for a magazine. And she said the words I was afraid to hear: study journalism and/or communications. I threw myself in instant debate within my head: No, don’t do it you won’t make money! But it’s what you’ve always wanted to do! But you’ve already wasted a semester! But you always wanted to see your name get published” That went on for the 2 years that I stuck with liberal arts. Here comes the 3rd year of college where I must choose a major, and with deep thought and professional conviction, I declared Journalism as my major.
Journalism Courses
Ugh. Never did I feel more stupid in a classroom of people. Not even in high school when I was failing math. But damn, the journalism courses in my college had a mix of super smart journalists and idiots. I was in the middle of the two. But I didn’t want to compare myself to the idiots because I wasn’t doing this to kill time- I really wanted to be writer.
I regret not putting 100% into my assignments. Some of the classes were really boring and the professors had their head stuck up their ass. Other classes were super interesting and taught me so much about the world of news writing, ethics, laws, editorials, production, branding, etc. There was a lot for me to learn out of high school I am so happy that I got educated in this field. But somewhere in the mix I got bored, discouraged and uninterested. I fell out of love with journalism.
I’m not sure if it was the curriculum or the spontaneous assignments that professors would give to go out and interview the public. For an introvert, that was nerve racking. I absolutely hated it and sometimes I wouldn't complete the assignments. But I wanted to get it over with. I just wanted to graduate and figure it out from there. During my last two years of college, I interned with an independent start up magazine. I got my toes real wet in that experience because I learned a lot about magazine writing, editing, one on one interviewing and working with a multifaceted team. The workload was quite overwhelming but it did help me gain the experience. Once I graduated, I stuck around with the magazine a little longer until I couldn’t take the inequality any longer. The founder was biased to the creative team over the writing team and I wasn't going to work for a company that felt like a popularity contest. I wasn’t even getting paid which can be regular with internships. But I wasn’t being appreciated and that is not ok with me. I was out.
Now
Its been a year since I graduated college and have been applying to all kinds of journalism related jobs. After multiple resume edits, hundreds of cover letters and possibly thousands of job applications later, I'm still here at home typing this up on a Friday afternoon. I'm not sure why I am not getting hired. Did I not have enough experience? Should I have done more during college? Did I wait too long after graduation to apply for jobs? Is this the right career path for me? Will I make money for a secure future? Did I do the right thing?
I'm in the process of understanding and answering these questions in my own head. Everyday these questions and many more enter my head. Some days they put me down, other days they fuel me to log on to my laptop and type up the best fucking cover letter anyone has read. Its tough to know what the future holds. But I'm sure if I keep trying that I will succeed in launching a career that is rewarding. I love to write, it is my remedy. I don’t know when or where I'll land a job, but right now all I have to do is keep running, keep chasing my dreams. I am a firm believer of hard work paying off.
To anyone out there that is contemplating about a life decision they made, remember this: everyday is a new opportunity to change your life. Better your life, do what makes you happy and work hard for it so that no one could dare tell you that you didn’t deserve it. To my lovely readers, thank you for reading this far down. I know this was a long post but I had to let it all out. As always my loves, happy reading <3
