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As human beings, we constantly grow. Yeah, you might stop physically developing but personal growth never ends. Often times, people stay stuck in their ways because they fear change. They fear the unknown. And the worst part is, they expect you to be the same too.
Uncertainty is something that never scared me. I like not knowing what comes next. If we knew everything that would happen next, wouldn't that make life boring? That's what inspires me to keep an open, fearless mind and always welcome change. Without change, our lives would remain the same and we wouldn't grow.
I hate the fact that people think they can place you into a box and that you're supposed to remain that way forever. They don't want to see you get ahead in life, or ahead of them at least. For people that crave acceptance from others, it staggers your personal growth.
I was like that for a long time. I was scared to express myself because I was placed in molds. My family, friends, classmates, coworkers, lovers, anyone and everyone that I ever interacted with had their prefixed impression of me and who I was as a person.
"Oh, she's shy quiet Hima. She wears all black and Converse high tops all the time so she must be emo and love punk music. She comes from a religious family so she must be uptight and boring. She cries easily so she must be needy."
The list goes on but the point is, it was unfair for people to judge me based off my personality when I was still a teen. I couldn't dress the way I really wanted to because my parents were super strict. I loved rap, I don't understand why the clothes I wore determined what kind of music I was into?! I had my own struggles with belief and religion and had a really open mind contrary to my family. I cried easily because I'm sensitive and feel things super deeply. But forget all that, because you knew me right? WRONG.
I went through really hard, lonely times that created the authentic me. I cracked out of my shell so hard that now no one could ever tell me who I am. Every time someone undermines the person I currently am and judges me off the past me, I'm left with 2 options:
1. Stand up for myself and remind that person that I have grown, that I've changed and they have to accept who I am TODAY
2. Distance myself from that individual
I realized I could never ever be my true self in front of relatives because they will always be stuck in their traditional, narrow-minded ways. I distanced myself from people who thought they could walk all over me. I quit jobs or avoided people who would question the changes I was making in my personal life. I never reconciled with my first love because he held on to the girl he fell in love with, the 15-year-old version of me. I was not that girl anymore. I blossomed into a strong, self-sufficient, self-loving and self-respecting woman. I couldn't allow myself to feel the heartbreak and guilt of a breakup from when I was an insecure little girl. I raised my standards, and I'm not going to settle. I knew there was better for me, and I was right.
The next time someone tells you that you've changed, look them dead in the eye and say "you're damn right I did." That's only if you know you've changed for the better and you're happy with who you've become.
Finding people that accept you and your growth may seem hard, but it's not impossible. You just have to put yourself out there and correct people when they assume they know all your next moves. Self-acceptance is the most important factor when it comes to personality. You have to like and/or love who you are. Like I always say, you go to bed with your thoughts at the end of the night. You have to deal with yourself the most, so make sure you're happy with the person that you are. And if you're not, then know that you always have the power to change that.
Happy reading, xoxo
